5 Stages of Grief
by kt2785
Summary: Kate comforts Sawyer. Set after LA X 6x01 . Please R & R. Oneshot. Skate, but Suliet too.


**A/N: I really wanted to do a Skate comfort scene, that was nothing to do with sex or love necessarily...just comfort. So here it is. **

The first stage of grief is denial. Sawyer skipped denial and went straight to anger. He continued to stare daggers at Jack and then back at Kate.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"For what?" Kate asked.

"I dunno," he shook his head. "For being here. I dunno. I just-I want her back Kate. I want her back dammit! I want her back! This isn't happening. This isn't-"

There it was...the denial. If there was one thing that Kate learned in school, it was in her psychology class...5 stages of grief...denial...denial meant 'no, this isn't happening to me, it's not. she's not dead.' Anger. Anger was "Why did this happen dammit!" Sawyer had his anger with Jack. Third stage was bargaining...please God, I'll do anything. The person grieving does everything to hold on to the one he's lost. Depression...obviously sadness finally beginning to feel it. And finally the 5th stage is acceptance. They're gone.

Sawyer was going through his anger and denial stage all at the same time. She remembered her psychology teacher saying that it was common for the stages to take months, but sometimes it was quick.

"I know," she whispered. "James-I-I don't know what else to do. I only…I know what it's like to lose someone-God, never mind, I can't begin to imagine-forget I said anything, I'm sorry, I'm a-"

"It's ok Kate," he said softly. "You don't gotta say anything else. I'm gonna-I'm gonna go to sleep now."

"No!" Kate exclaimed. His eyes fluttered closed and he fell asleep sitting up. She remembered when Karl had said those same words as they were leaving alcatraz. Kate cupped her hands against his face. He was still breathing. She took a deep breath and looked over at Jack and Sayid. Sayid was now sitting talking quietly to Jack. She wanted to know what was going on, but she didn't want to leave Sawyer alone.

"Jack," she said loud enough for him to hear.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Sawyer just passed out," she replied. "What-what do I do?"

"He still breathing?" Jack asked. He stood up and walked toward her. Kate nodded and Jack smiled weakly and nodded. Jack checked Sawyer's pulse and then looked at Kate. "He should be ok. He's got a strong pulse. He was just knocked out. I'm sure that he's gonna be ok. But stay with him, make sure he keeps breathing."

"But he woke up and now he's-" she began.

"Just watch over him Kate," Jack said gently. "Let me know if anything changes."

"Ok," Kate swallowed hard and looked back at Sawyer. She carefully moved him so he was laying down and he continued to sleep.

He hadn't been sleeping very long before he started to stir. Kate looked down at him and his eyes flickered open again. She took a deep breath and leaned over him.

"Sawyer?" she asked softly.

"Blondie," he whispered. "I thought you were-you died in my arms, you were dead. Are you here? Please just-"

"Sawyer," Kate said softly. "Hey, it's me. It's Kate."

He reached up and touched her face. She took his hand in hers gently.

"It's ok," she whispered.

"Julie," he shook his head. He sat up and Kate tried to slow him down. He was leaning up on his elbows. "Call me James. You never call me Sawyer, why are you calling me Sawyer?"

He wrapped his arms around her. Kate closed her eyes and hugged him back.

"Everything's gonna be alright James," she said.

"Oh," he whispered. "I love you. I love you so much. I thought you were gone."

Kate backed away slightly and ran her hand over his cheek.

"It's ok," she whispered again.

"Jules," he furrowed his eyebrows. "What's the matter? What's-you always tell me you love me-you're still mad at me."

"What?" Kate asked softly.

"You were mad at me," he mumbled and started dozing off. "You were mad because I didn't look at you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you Juliet."

"Sawyer-" Kate closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Just-can we just sit here?" he asked.

"We are sitting here," Kate answered with a smile. He leaned forward and went to kiss her. Kate quickly put her hand against his chest. "James…"

"What?" he asked.

"Don't," she shook her head.

"You always tell me you love me Juliet," he said. "Please. I need-if you don't love me, then I don't even care anymore. I just need to know that you love me."

"She loves you James," Kate whispered.

"I've never asked for anything Blondie," he began, starting to sit up again. "So I'm just asking you. Tell me you love me. Tell me-"

"I love you," she said softly she wrapped her arms around him again.

"Kiss me," he whispered.

"James," she shook her head. He leaned up and pressed his lips to hers. He laid back down and closed his eyes. Kate touched her lips with her fingers and shook her head. She had waited to kiss him for 3 years. She wanted to kiss him. But she knew he would need time. She guessed his hallucinating was his way of coping. He was bargaining, the 3rd stage of grief. He was bargaining with himself...maybe she's not dead. But she knew that he wasn't fully aware of what was even going on. His body's way of protecting himself from feeling too much. She knew that it was Juliet he was just kissing. She didn't know if they would ever get back to where they had been before the rescue. She had come back to the island mainly because of Aaron, but she would be lying to herself if she said Sawyer didn't have something to do with it. She wanted to see Sawyer again. She wanted to kiss him again. He was beautiful laying there. She almost wanted to laugh at herself for thinking such things. Beautiful and unconscious. He slept. She wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or not, so if he woke up again she'd have to tell Jack about it. He had been sleeping for 20 minutes and his eyes opened. She leaned over him.

"Sawyer," she whispered.

"Kate?" he asked.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Oh," he put his hands to his head. "God. Kate what happened?"

"It's ok," she shook her head.

"Did I kiss you?" he mumbled. She took a soft breath and nodded slowly.

"Oh God," he shook his head and started sitting up.

"Not so fast," she said, steadying him as he sat up and leaned against the wall.

"No," he shook his head. "She was here. She was here Kate!"

"James, you were hallucinating," she answered. "I didn't-I didn't know what to do."

"Why'd you let me kiss you?!" he exclaimed. He rested his arms against his knees. She could tell he was trying to move away from her even more, but at the same time, he looked at her. He didn't look away. He didn't look to the ground in shame.

"I-I don't know," she said. "James, you were just-you thought I was her. I tried to tell you, and you didn't-"

"I know," he sighed deeply. "I remember. I don't want to be here anymore Kate."

"You mean, here on the island right?" Kate asked.

"No, I mean, like here in this life," he shook his head. "Here in this time. Juliet was right…everything would have been better if I had never met her. I wouldn't feel like this. I don't want to feel like this Kate."

"I know," she shook her head. "James, I don't know-do you want me to leave you alone?"

"I don't care," he said. "You're going to do whatever you want anyway Kate."

The way he said Kate was like a thousand pinpricks. She knew that he wouldn't call her Freckles. She knew it would be wrong for him to call her Freckles, but that didn't mean she couldn't feel sick when he called her Kate.

"We don't have to talk," she whispered. "I'll just sit here with you. Sit here in the silence. Sometimes that's what you need…silence."

"So then shut up," he said softly and with a slight smirk. She smirked back and shook her head.

"Sorry," she whispered. He put his head down on his arms and hid his face. Kate didn't move. She watched him. His arms were hiding his pain. Pain that she knew, he didn't want her to see. She knew he didn't want to be touched, but it was the mother in her. The residual side effects from nurturing Aaron for 3 years. She reached forward and put her hand against his arm. He didn't move. She rubbed his arm and his shoulder gently. Childlike. He hadn't cried. He wouldn't cry. She continued to run her hand gently over his arm.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," he whispered. She could barely hear him since his face was down to the ground. Then she saw it. Tears. It wasn't just a single tear. Multiple tears began falling. She could actually see them falling to the temple floor. They were big fat tears. It reminded her of Alice In Wonderland when Alice cried so much she flooded the entire room. Sawyer wasn't sobbing. He wouldn't sob. Trying to be discreet. Trying not to let her see.

"I can't breathe," he said. "I feel like I can't breathe."

"James," Kate said softly, this time her own emotions becoming too much. She began to cry too. She ran her other hand down his back. She was sitting closer to him now. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, but she couldn't. Something was stopping her. Instead she continued to run her hand up and down hs arm and shoulder. The other up and down his back. He clenched his fists, which was flexing his arm muscles. She didn't move closer, but suddenly he moved toward her.

"I can't breathe Kate," he whispered again. He lifted his head up from his knees and looked at her. The tears were fresh. His face still had blood on it. She figured part of it was from being knocked out by The Others, part of it from the fight with Jack, and maybe part of it even Juliet's. She ran her hand over his face. Wiping some of the blood with it.

"Everything's going to be alright," she whispered. "I know you don't believe me right now, but…you're gonna be ok James."

He looked at her and then closed his eyes. More tears streamed down his cheeks steadily. But he still didn't sob. They were silent tears. Kate moved toward him again and then put both arms around him. He didn't flinch. He rested his head against her shoulder. He turned toward her. He put his hands to his face and cried softly as Kate held him. She stroked his hair softly. She was reminded of when Ana Lucia and Libby died, and Sawyer had held her this way. So gently. She held him and closed her eyes. She cried too, but didn't let Sawyer see. She didn't want to make it worse. He held on to her and then let out an audible sob. Kate shushed him softly and continued to hold him. She looked up at Jack who was staring at them, and then he looked away.

"It's ok," Kate whispered. "Shh. It's ok."

She wasn't sure if her words were comforting to him or not, but she continued to say it. He sobbed. They were soft sobs, but they were sobs. It ached Kate's heart to see him this way, knowing she couldn't do anything to comfort him. Depression. He was letting himself cry. She was glad that he was crying. He wasn't trying to 'be a man' or hold in any of his emotions. He was feeling it. Suddenly he backed away.

"Ok," Sawyer breathed in deeply and quickly stood up. Kate looked up at him, still sitting where she was. "I can't. I can't."

He gave one last sniffle and stopped crying. He stood staring into space again. Not saying anything. Not moving, and not crying. Kate stood up too. She still didn't want to leave his side, so she stood next to him. Silence returned, but they didn't need to say anything. Was this the 5th stage? Was he accepting it? She thought maybe for now he was...for now, but the anger and denial might come later again. And she would be there by his side. She would be there.


End file.
